All I wanted was a Calzone

(The following story happened in October right before our AIM Unit Retreat. Brandi and the kids had just arrived back in Tana, the capital, from a month in the US. I was in Diego getting ready to meet them the next day at our unit retreat.) 

All I wanted was some pizza. A calzone to be exact. The best one I know of in town is at Sui & Gui, thanks to the Orners who introduced us to this Italian run pizzeria. I was there a few days ago and met the owner. (Brandi and the kids are out of town, I have cooked rice and vegetables, but I do prefer to go eat a pizza) He is an Italian who moved here 6 or 7 years ago to live and run the best pizza place in town. That is where I was heading at 6pm this evening. I did not make it, unfortunately. 

Even when I do not want to stand out, it is near impossible for me in Diego. I am taller and bigger than most Malagasy. Tonight, I simply wanted to walk to the pizzeria and eat, without any unwanted attention. It was just getting dark, the pizza place opens at 6, I am a block away, and then I heard it. I did not want to hear it. Once I heard it I wanted to ignore it. But the voice did not stop talking.

“Monsieur, monsieur! S’il vous plait, votre passport. Monseiur, votre passeport s’il vous plait.”  (Sir, Sir ! Your passport please. Sir your passport please) The police do a great job in Diego of keeping the main road safe at night. It is where the tourists go. It is where I was. I was, I am thankful they keep us safe. Yet, I hate the fact they can ask for your papers whenever they want, especially on this night. Yes, I had been profiled. At the time, no taxi’s passing by to harass and I was the only vazaha (white foreigner) around. 

Immediately my mind raced, what was I going to do? I never carry my passport, but my Madagascar Identity Card works in its place. However, I knew I did not have it with me. Uh oh. Then I thought, they just want a bribe, which they did, but they did not get. I decided to start out playing dumb. It did not work. I quickly decided to use only Malagasy and not French, maybe they will think I don’t know French and they won’t know English and it will be over quickly. Wrong.

Answering their questions as to where I live and how long I have been here things were going well. Malagasy was working good for me. Then, the one with the machine gun, gets agitated. Why does the guy carrying the machine gun always get to have a bad attitude? Because he is the one with the gun.

I told them I only carry a little money at night because I don’t want to be robbed, but if I do get robbed I don’t want to lose much money or my ID. I said tonight I only had money and no wallet and so I did not have my ID. I apologized because I know you are always to have your ID. My mistake. Will they forgive me this time? No, no they will not. They said I had lived here long enough to know better, and they were right. It was my mistake. 

The guy with the gun decided this was taking too long. He switched to French and when he realized I was not French, he switched to perfect English. Terrible for me. I knew at this point my calzone was not going to happen for some time, if at all. When I heard the words police station, prison, chief of police, etc., I knew most were threats aimed at giving them a few bucks. Yet, Brandi and I have a policy of no bribes. I told them they could go with me to my house and I would produce the documents. I told them I would return with the documents. Not good enough. 

They lectured me in three languages about carrying my ID. I was guilty I said. What is the fine and I will pay? No fine they said, but prison. I laughed, not much but a little, and told them I could not go to prison tonight. They asked me why? I said without my ID you will not know who you are putting in prison. At least they thought it was funny. But still they did not let me go. 

By this time, I was really hungry for the calzone that was not going to happen. I waited in store next to where we were. Fortunately, I knew the lady working there and I asked her advice. She said pay them. I said no. She told me if I wait long enough they will not do anything if I don’t pay. Then she scolded me for not having my ID with me. Great, everyone scold me for this infraction. Even our night guard, Rado, told me I should always have it on me when he heard the story. Yes! I know this! 

Finally, after about 15 minutes of waiting in the store, they were tired of dealing with me. Obviously, I was not going give them a “gift” and they were not going to take me to prison because of this. They went back to stopping taxi’s and getting a much easier buck than I had turned out to be. They did not officially let me go but they did not stop me when I left. However, I went the opposite direction of Sui & Gui and did not get that calzone. 

It was a good lesson for me. I don’t think I will forget my ID again anytime soon. The good news is the story has a happy ending. I ended up at Coco Pizza which is my second favorite pizza place in town. I ordered a pizza to go. Eating in the safety of my home seemed like the best thing on this night.